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The 5: Comic Book Items I Want To Own

Someone make these so I can be awesomer.



 
 
My whole life I've read about these fantastical objects capable of fantasticarific things, and I thought to myself, "How do I get my hands on that hot piece of equipment?" Finally, in my mid-20s, I realized that not only do comic book characters not exist, but neither do those awesome toys they have. I wanted to sue the government or someone else for falsely advertising all of this. I was heartbroken. Nevertheless, I can still write about it, until someone tells me ComicVine doesn't exist. (sad face) So I've carefully picked five items I wish existed in real life.

Before I get started writing about all these super cool items, I have to say one thing. I'm not into owning ridiculous comic book weapons. That's no fun! Plus, there's no way I could ever handle an infinity gauntlet. I'd probably poop myself trying to use it.  I'm also leaving out Time Machines, like the Delorean and the T.A.R.D.I.S. It's too easy.
 
 
 
 
 Make me a hamburger!

5. Lantern Ring

 I spent seconds making this.
A Lantern Ring?!! I know I started with pretty much the one that can create everything... Obviously, I don't know how to format these articles well. However, the reason this is so high on the list is that I don't think I have enough of any of these emotions to last too long. My willpower is ok. I don't have that much rage, unless it's a Monday. I suck at scaring people. I'm not dead. I'm only moderately compassionate. I'm not greedy. I also don't have my heart filled with love. If there was a ring of Apathy, I might take that one. Anywho, I can now use my Apathy ring, color doesn't matter, to create a bunch of stuff, fly (in space), or make a surrogate to do my cleaning. With these other teams, there's a sense of duty, but with my InferiorEgo Corps, that doesn't exist. We would meet up like... whenever. We'll get a pizza or something. Maybe watch a movie. Or we can not meet up at all. I really don't care. This would be a pretty rad thing to own, unless everyone got one. Then everyone would not care about stuff.... 
 
 

4. Lasso of Truth


 Where were you last night bull?
Imagine, with me, the many things you can do with a lasso of truth! "Hey friend! I got an extra ticket to the local football game. Want to come with me?"  "No buddy, I'm busy." INSERT LASSO OF TRUTH "Want to come with me?"  "No, I've always thought you to be vastly inferior to me as a human and I hate you." Now I know what's up! "Why are your prices so high?"  "Well, see, this is a great product and you pay what you get for." INSERT LASSO OF TRUTH "Why are your prices so high?"  "I've always thought you to be vastly inferior to me as a human and I hate you." Wow! The lasso lets me know that the world hates me! So, that would be fun for a week or so, but then it may lose its charm. So what do you do next? Join the rodeo! You have an unbreakable lasso at your disposal. Also, even the strongest bull can't break free!  This is a win-win situation. Then, when bull riding gets boring, you can go back to finding out how much everyone secretly hates you. It's the circle of life! Get it? A lasso has a a circular part to it.... circle of life! 
 
 
 
 

3. Pokeball

 I choose you... dog.
I don't like walking my dog, but I enjoy having my dog everywhere with me. What's a boy to do? Well, if the pokeball really existed, my problem would be solved. Walk the dog? No need for a leash. Walk to a field and.... "DOG I CHOOSE YOU! USE YOUR URINATION ATTACK!" When pokeballs are involved, everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs. If my dog ran away, too bad for her. I'd just press the button and suck her back into the pokeball. Take that false sense of freedom. But why stop there? I'd could keep my lunch in there. Screw that... I could keep my car in there! No more parking spaces in the faculty parking lot again? Suck it up into the pokeball. And when I get off of work... " TED KORD I CHOOSE YOU!" That would be so awesome. I bet I could store snacks in there too! 
 
 
 
 
 

2. Sonic Screwdriver

 I locked my keys in the car! And my sonic screwdriver!

 
 
I have one of these in my car currently, but it's just a pen... that makes super cool sonic noises. (redundant!) For those not in the know, the Sonic Screwdriver is from the Doctor Who Universe. It magically opens things! Mainly doors though. I can also repair my electronic equipment that's busted. Red rings of death? Not in my house, especially when using the Sonic Screwdriver.! Locked out of the car? Not a problem with the Sonic Screwdriver! I feel like an infomercial guy here. For the low low price of $19.95, you too can also open everything. Not enough? Well, we'll DOUBLE your order and throw in a lightsaber free of charge! I would really like to be able to open everything though.
 


 
 
 

1. Hoverboard

  MARTY! Yeah, so this technically isn't in a comic book, unless featured in one of the few Back to the Future comics, but if you were a child of the 80s, this is what you wanted. The worst part was that rumors were everywhere that the Hoverboard existed, even on Entertainment Tonight. So, like many American children, that Christmas, I asked for a Hoverboard, and like many American parents, they couldn't find it. Now that I'm older, I realize that this doesn't exist, but it should. Skateboards are cool and all, but how many times have you been skateboarding and fallen off because you hit a pebble? Happened a lot to me. The Hoverboard is the literal definition of cool. (I wrote an entry for urbandictionary as a joke, but it is still under review from the editors... oh poop) Anyway, this is probably the coolest thing ever invented in the movie world and I demand it exists.
 
 
 
How about you guys? What things do you wish you could actually own?
 
 
 
UPDATE:
I guess urbandictionary only accepts definitions involving sex and cussing. 

 Thanks for your definition of Cool!

Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it.

To get a better idea of what editors publish and reject, sign up as an Urban Dictionary Editor

Urban Dictionary

-----

Cool

The Hoverboard from Back to the Future 2.

 
 
 ~ Mat Elfring (InferiorEgo) is a comedian, teacher, comic store employee, comic book writer, and headed back to the future.  ~      
72 Comments
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Posted by MKF30

I would love to have BTTF Hoverboard, that is so sick. Always wanted one of those lol. 
 
A GL ring for sure 
 
Legion Ring 
 
Psychic ability that allows me to use Telekinesis...various characters have this really 
 
nanotech super suit combined with Kryptonian DNA that was in Smallville, Lana stole it from Lex and uses it for good.

Posted by NightFang

I would kill for half of the stuff.

Posted by hdorman1

Mjolnir
A Lantern ring  (green)
An irradiated spider
adamantium katanas
taskmasters hard light generator seen in his mini series
 
it would be epic

Posted by Kreature

Give me 5 or 6 years, unlimited funds, and a research team of MIT grads and I could make everything on this list

Posted by Chane

Those lantern rings look awesome, where do they come from?

Posted by ninjasquirrel01

I want a Legion ring. If only I was from not Earth... Being from planet Bismoll wouldn't be half bad. I would settle for the ability to be a human garbage disposal.

Posted by mrduckluck

I want a ring they'rw awesome
Posted by Bandito

1. Flash Ring - Seriously, how cool would it be to step out of the shower and have your clothes just shoot out of a ring and cover you?  Bam! Ready to go to work and no more f***ing windsor knots! 
 
2. Batmobile - Because no traffic cop in his right mind would give me a parking ticket.
 
3. Justice League teleporter - Because I don't want to get dents or pigeon crap on my shiny new Batmobile. 
 
4. Lockheed - My own fire-breathing pet dragon. 
 
5.  Black Canary's fishnet stockings - For my own... private reasons... Don't judge me

Edited by Decept-O

Oh, yeah, Hoverboard.  Nice choice to top the list.   
 
Personally, I'd like one of those portable holes from the ACME company in the Warner Bros. cartoons.   Lay one down on the road to have a Wells Fargo truck fall in it.  Cha-Ching!!   Throw one against a wall, walk into the vault of a bank.  Oh, the evil one could accomplish..... 
 
Just as a side note, Bugs Bunny and company appeared in comic books, notably Dell Comics, so this is still comic book themed.  
 
Batman's grappling gun,  Joker's acid flower squirter,  Iron Man's armor, and last but not least, some Pym particles so I can make certain parts of my anatomy...err...change in size.  *ahem* 
Posted by greenenvy

Green lantern ring if am worthy and if not then I will try to be worthy.

Posted by Emerald Warrior

Apathy?!  LOL

Posted by Satyrquaze
Posted by The Sadhu

Swap the lasso or truth with Thor's hammer, Mjolnir! Like the rest of the list thou!
Posted by Pez85

I'd love to own Batman's utility belt, because it has EVERYTHING (at least, it does according to the 1966 TV show). 
 
Even though it's not a comic nowadays, Dick Tracy's radio wrist watch. I remember have a toy version of it when I was a kid. Loved it. 
 
Wonder Woman's invisible plane would not only be a time saver from getting from place to place, but you could easily mess with people heads. 
 
Captain America's shield. Sure, I'm Canadian, but it's CAPTAIN AMERICA'S SHIELD. 
 
Gambit's funky headgear....just because it looks cool.

Posted by Kreature

  


    Also, even the strongest bull can't break free! 

who said the bull had to break free?
Edited by lostlantern13

Where are the Spider-Man web-shooters?  
 
My Comic 5: Lantern rings, Spidey Web-Shooters, Batmobile (seriously, who wouldn't want a freakin' Batmobile...even if you could fly), Poke Balls (cause you won me over with your points), and the lasso of truth.

Posted by Dracade102


THINGS I WANT: 
 
Sinestro Corps Ring: GOT ONE!!! (a plastic one) 
 
That Space-Rock that Makes Gorrila Grodd/Hector Hammond geniuses:  Common, Who DOESN'T want to be a telepathic nut-case?! 
 
Brainiac's Head: Just for the novelty and Unfathomable Danger of Brainiac's Deadly Noggen... it'll look Perfect for above my fire place!!! 
 
A Healing Factor:  Cause Everyone ELSE at school has one!!!   
 
Warworld: (Self Explanitory)
 

 

 

 

 

Posted by inferiorego
@Chane: I found them on this site actually under Power Rings.
Staff
Posted by Nyogtha

In no particular order.
 
Everything Sabretooth has (plus adamanitum skeleton)- Come on, you know it'd be cool to be able to not have to worry about getting into accident, and when you did, you'll be fine in three  seconds. Nothing would be "impossible" to get into. Super strength, highly enhanced senses, the whole package.
 
Spawn's Cape - Self explanatory
 
Moonknights Mooncopter - How cool would you be heading to work in that thing?
 
Red Lantern Ring - Sometimes you have whip somebodies a**, I want a motivational ring for that exact moment 
 
Venom's Symbiote - See Spawn Cape
 
BONUS:
Hawkeye's Bow and his arsenal of arrows - Just think about going hunting with that gear, could take down a Beluga whale with his arrows.

Posted by Mr.Hulk_Smashin'!

I'd have a Lantern Ring that lets me do whatever without the need for emotion
Spider-Man Powers
Hulk Powers
Incredible intellect
Whatever else I want

Posted by inferiorego
@Mr.Hulk_Smashin'! said:
" I'd have a Lantern Ring that lets me do whatever without the need for emotion  "
All you need to do is stop caring to join the InferiorEgo Corps

Staff
Posted by Mr.Hulk_Smashin'!
@inferiorego said:
" @Mr.Hulk_Smashin'! said:
" I'd have a Lantern Ring that lets me do whatever without the need for emotion  "
All you need to do is stop caring to join the InferiorEgo Corps

"
I'm Joining! as long as I can keep my GF lol
Posted by inferiorego
@Mr.Hulk_Smashin'! said:
" @inferiorego said:
" @Mr.Hulk_Smashin'! said:
" I'd have a Lantern Ring that lets me do whatever without the need for emotion  "
All you need to do is stop caring to join the InferiorEgo Corps

"
I'm Joining! as long as I can keep my GF lol "
GF? girlfriend? I don't think I'm going to make you give up your girlfriend.
Staff
Posted by Mr.Hulk_Smashin'!
@inferiorego said:
" @Mr.Hulk_Smashin'! said:
" @inferiorego said:
" @Mr.Hulk_Smashin'! said:
" I'd have a Lantern Ring that lets me do whatever without the need for emotion  "
All you need to do is stop caring to join the InferiorEgo Corps

"
I'm Joining! as long as I can keep my GF lol "
GF? girlfriend? I don't think I'm going to make you give up your girlfriend. "
k good
WTF (Well That's Fascinating)
Edited by Icon

I want the Blackbird X-Jet, or maybe one of the Avengers Quinjets (and the Fantiscar while I'm at it), a suits of Iron Man armor, and Spidey's web-shooters for sure! :]

Posted by geraldthesloth
@inferiorego: no self lacing nike's? shame
Posted by d0npierre

Hoverboard, ohw yeah... Really loved the movies, and the board did look cool...
 
5) The green lanterns ring
4) Mary-Jane Watson
3) Wolverine's healing ability 
2) Asgard
1) Dark Phoenix's powers
 
This way, I'd live li!ke for about 300 years, have all the girls I want to, drink all that wanted to. I'd lure the cops in to thinking I'm a regular guy and mess with every person who tries to get in my way. Mary Jane Watson would always be waiting for me at home, no matter what I do. With everything I want, it's simple,  I just got to imagine it and it's mine. :)

Posted by Gothic Storm

1.  Silver Surfer's board (has anyone mentioned that one yet?)
2.  Pym's powers... but not for the reason the other guy mentioned. "Oh to be a fly on the wall when the boss lets him have it!" Well, now I can!
3.  Captain America's shield. Oh yeah, could you imagine snow sledding on that??? Eat your heart out Clark Griswald!!!

Posted by BaronVonDredd

1.) Captain America's Super-Soldier Serum 
2.) The Eye of Aggamotto   
3.) Mjolnir
4.) The Avengers' Quinjet
5.) The Good Samaritan (Hellboy's gun) 
 

All so I can start a career as a supernatural crime-fighter.

Posted by Archetype

I'll take the Infinity Gauntlet and the gems.I know kind of boring but I could do a lot with it including materialize anything else I wanted like your body,I'm coming on to you ; ), or your soul!
 
Sure there are some other cool things Cap's shield, Superman's Cape,Thor's hammer, Batman's belt etc...

Posted by AirDave817

I must join the Apathy Corps! Where is my ring?!  
...Damn it - I care about it too much!

Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir

Infinity Gauntlet
Cosmic Cube
Cosmic Rod
Hoverboard - That works over water
The Helmet of Galactus
Lantern and Legion Rings (with bearers hands still attached)

Posted by Dane

my list:
 
1. Green Latern Ring - I know it's on everyones list but I wanted one first dammit.
 
2. Bat Shark Repellant - to repel sharks, duh.
 
3.  Lightsaber - If I didn't decapitate myself, I'd have the most deadly glowstick at any rave.
 
4. Black Panther's Suit - Fall 30 storeys and land on my feet without getting hurt, blend into the shadows, energy daggers. Even a chump like me could be a superhero with that awesome stuff.
 
5. A Witchblade - Self explainatory.

Posted by killermike

Why just the lantern ring? Iwant the entire lantern power battery.
Posted by geraldthesloth
@Dane: Hopefully the Lighstaber would kill the ravers.
Posted by Dane
@geraldthesloth said:
" @Dane: Hopefully the Lighstaber would kill the ravers. "
thats the idea.
Posted by geraldthesloth
@Dane said:
" @geraldthesloth said:
" @Dane: Hopefully the Lighstaber would kill the ravers. "
thats the idea. "

Posted by Bearded Justice

Ah ha ha... I choose Ted Kord!  That was a good one. 
 
I want Mr. Miracle's red and green costume, cause when the chips are down... I want to look like Mr. Miracle. 
I want Dr. Midnite's owl, or another animal of equal usefullness.  I could walk around with that mother on my shoulder.  Act like some kind of pirate with an owl, instead of a parrot.  
I want the Doc's DeLorean, but I want it on fire, like Ghost Rider's bike.  Flaming, flying, time-travelling DeLorean. 
And finally, I want Dr. Who's scarf... oh wait... I already have one...  mmwwwuuuuaahhh ha ha ha ha haaaaa! 
Posted by Dane
@geraldthesloth said:
" @Dane said:
" @geraldthesloth said:
" @Dane: Hopefully the Lighstaber would kill the ravers. "
thats the idea. "

"
done and done.
Posted by rightprice

Sure...I'll take an Apathy ring...I guess.   
 

Posted by RazorsEdge

Green Lantern Ring - i got will  
Lightsaber 
Green Goblin's glider (movie version)  
Iron Man's armor (hypervelocity) 
Deadpool's...everything - costume, weapons, healing, etc - definately his teleporting device
Posted by squiresmadnessmachine

heres mine 
 
1 green lantern ring 
2 batmans utility belt 
3 captain americas sheild 
4 spideys web shooters 
5 silver surfers board
Posted by King Saturn
1. Infinity Gauntlet 
2. TARDIS 
3. Green Lantern Power Ring 
4. Mjolnir 
5. Captain Mar-Vell Power Bands
Posted by danhimself

awesome article!!!  can I join your corps?  actually it doesn't matter if I do or don't

Posted by RoninKane
Bling, Bling MotherF*****

All I need is one thing: the infinity gautlet with all six gems 
That way I make one of every thing off everybody else's list. 
 
You know what? Make it two things. A matching glove, because the one glove with the shiny rhinestones is a little to MJ for me.  
Posted by tensor

batman utility belt
gl ring 
cosmic cube
cap shield 
an emma frost she is person but she would be my item

Online
Edited by Archetype

Hey don't everyone jump on the IG band wagon i said myself that it is a boring answer just like saying that you'd want to be omnipotent or have reality warping powers of course you would but just pick something interesting like what would you make with the IG.
 
Also I want Codpiece's codpiece.

Posted by Psikho

1. Motherbox 
2. Cosmic Divining Rod 
3. any kind of board that flies 
4. Proton pack 
5. one of those portable holes from Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Posted by Lydian Sel

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and fuck yes.

Posted by Aspenite

Oh how I would love to have a hoverboard. That would be so awesome!!!

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