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Off My Mind: Why are Zombies Such Poor Dressers

With all the attention they're getting these days, you would think they'd start dressing better.

Zombies are everywhere these days. I don't mean they're outside your window right now but in the media you almost can't escape them. Like many, I've been catching up on my Walking Dead reading in preparation for the show's premiere on AMC. One thing I've noticed about the zombies in Walking Dead and elsewhere is they are very messy dressers.  
Yes I understand that zombies have a diminished brain capacity. They are only thinking about feeding and so they do not feel the need to be concerned with the latest fashion. They are not capable of changing out of their bloodstained clothes and into something a little cleaner.  
Zombies may just be concerned with eating fresh meat and may not have the motor skills to use the proper utensils like a fork and knife, but I don't think that's really an excuse for them to be such messy dressers. There has to be a point when a fresh zombie arises. Whether it's a freshly dead body or a live one that has been infected, how come we don't see a fresh zombie still wearing clean clothes? 
 == TEASER == 
Even the Marvel Zombies are all wearing bloody and torn costumes. It feels that it's customary to portray zombies with torn and blood stained clothing. The Marvel Zombies have shown some level of intelligence. Yet, they never both to put on a clean shirt. 
The way I see it, we should at least see some zombies in clean clothes, especially before their first feeding. Is the bloody and ripped clothing a stereotype for zombies now. With the way zombies are rising in popularity and with all the appearances they are making everywhere, don't they deserve a little more respect?  
It seems no matter how much attention the zombies get and will be getting with the premiere of Walking Dead, they are doomed to be known as terrible dressers.  
Perhaps someone can prove me wrong. Have you ever seen a well-dressed zombie?
Posted by Vitality

Posted by .Mistress Redhead.
@G-Man: erm...
Posted by NightFang

So G-Man wants to see gentlemen zombies?  

Posted by G-Man

Zombies are people too...sort of.

Posted by ComicMan24


Posted by fesak

Maybe that guy from Wormwood.

Posted by Danial79

I'm sure we will see well-dressed pretty-boy emo zombies in films soon enough... and they'll probably fall in love with a... human! :)

Posted by dondasch

To be fair, it's a bit difficult for zombies to even consider such minor obstacles as clothing when the all consuming hunger of brain munching is upon them.  As such, it's difficult to conceive of them having the following questions running through their minds:
Would the current meal I'm getting ready to consume of fava beans, brains and a nice Chianti be best represented by my pinstriped suit or should I leave the tie off ?   
While chasing down fleeing humans with my friends, should I consider the Nike shock absorbent running shoes and a comfortable track suit ?

Posted by N7_Normandy
@Danial79 said:
"I'm sure we will see well-dressed pretty-boy emo zombies in films soon enough... and they'll probably fall in love with a... human! :) "

Let's hope this never happens.  We don't need the mainstream ruining Zombies like they did Vampires
Posted by KRYPTON
@G-Man said:
" Zombies are people too...sort of. "
The un-dead sort of people that want to invite their neighbor's over for dinner. 
Posted by Illyana Rasputin

I am going to upset a lot of people by saying this, but look at how ridiculous the zombies look in the Romero films. The bride, the circus clown, the tuba player from a doomed high school marching band. Who dies like that in a zombie apocalypse, anyway? Gee, the world is ending, let's get married, go to the circus, and have a parade.  Less is more when it comes to realistic flesh-eaters. Now, regarding the clothing being gory. Sooner or later, decomposition is going to make said attire VERY nasty, but it would take a few weeks. Just about the right time for Rick Grimes to awaken from a coma, and discover the planet has gone to crap. You would think zombies, especially the intelligent zombies, would practice better personal hygiene. But alas, this is not the case. They are like a pack of teenage boys in that respect. The only thing you can really do is shoot them in the head.
Posted by Illyana Rasputin
@G-Man said:
"Zombies are people too...sort of. "

No, no no, G-Man! It's that kind of rationale that's going to get you killed. Destroy the brain. Trust me.  
Posted by Mainline
@G-Man said:

Perhaps someone can prove me wrong. Have you ever seen a well-dressed zombie?

Not entirely wrong, you've hit on the number one indicator of a zombie (of course, note that it is not the only criteria... much to my embarrassment during my computer-science days in the grunge period caving in skulls of what by all rights- save the last brain hunting one- seemed to be zombies to me!): 
Now a little older and a little wiser, I'm more familiar with some dapper zombies.  Two of my favorite hail from Japanese media and one from Indie comics... 
Posted by crazyasahatter77

Does Emperor Zombie from The Amazing Screw-on Head count? He was a rather dapper dressed corpse person.

Posted by Decept-O
@.Mistress Redhead. said:
" @G-Man: erm... "

Yup.  I second that.  Wow, G-Man,   At least you tried when you were infected: 

Posted by G-Man
@Mainline: How could I forget?!? Gwen Dylan is the best looking zombie I've ever seen.
Posted by Frootsnax

If you are someone that considers the 28 days later "infected" to be zombies, then the scene where the one character gets the blood dripped in his eye which leads to an almost immediate zombification. He was a well dressed man for the duration of his malady.

Posted by AskaniSon295

Yeah the girl from I,Zombie Dresses pretty good and headpool kept his mask on for like ever, Professor Veronica was also dressed pretty well after she turned zombie. What they gotta do is make a Tim Gunn Zombie and he can go around dressing the other Zombies.

Edited by antiterra

"Have you ever seen a well-dressed zombie?"

Yup, in last night's episode of Community: zombie-Jeff in a $5000 suit.

(Alternatively, any number of twig-like runway models would also fit the bill: zombiesque emaciated bodies + insatiable  hunger + designer clothes... it's all there!)

Posted by Doctorchimp

Well I think it stems from the original zombie archetype of them popping up from the grave, so all that digging up through the coffin and dirt did that to them. Also when they don't do that and they're a zombie for a few days they spend those days sitting there and shitting their pants without showers as their skin peels and bleeds through their clothes.

Posted by staceydillon

Zombies hate fashion.

Posted by A-Strondinaire
Edited by DEADPOOL

I guess the tattered and stained clothing adds to the decaying and gory "feel" of the zombies, I also think it's possibly used to help accentuate the fact that they are infact zombies, especially when they are still comparatively fresh zombies and don't yet have a rotting appearance, missing chunks of their body, or bullet holes. Otherwise the only way to distinguish a fresh zombie from a living person would be it's glazed eyes, it's swagger, and any apparent bite marks, which aren't as noticeable from a distance.

Edited by Vitality
Yeah, except she is not a zombie...she is a Revenant.
Posted by TheMess1428
@G-Man: You need to watch ZOMBIE STRIPPERS. The strippers actually change their clothes and put on fresh new outfits whenever they want to. lol
Posted by danhimself
@antiterra said:

"Have you ever seen a well-dressed zombie?"

Yup, in last night's episode of Community: zombie-Jeff in a $5000 suit.

(Alternatively, any number of twig-like runway models would also fit the bill: zombiesque emaciated bodies + insatiable  hunger + designer clothes... it's all there!)

lol...I'm still waiting for an apology from the writers of that show...I was expecting hilarity as usual and instead I got nightmares....poor poor danhimself
Posted by Vitality
That movie is fucking sweet haha.
Posted by countvontrey

Zombies do seem to be on the far end of the fashion spectrum. Vampires get to be on the other end, with Werewolves somewhere in the middle. 

Posted by karrob
@G-Man said:
" Zombies are people too...sort of. "
Posted by MrRagePants

Because if you are wearing a clean set of clothes and a zombie attacks you, your clothes get ripped to pieces and you get blood/dirt all over your clothes, thus the trend.
I also think it [clothes] just turns that way because when you are running away from zombies, you just do whatever it takes so you don't get killed. Like hiding inside a garbage bin or something.

Posted by The_Martian
Posted by ReverseNegative

Zombies eat people. That's where the blood comes from.

Posted by Quest

I seen some in red dead redemption undead nightmare

Posted by skaarason

rather have zombies then twilight vampires !!!!

Edited by Paulrus


I kid.
Posted by Asymmetrical
@fesak said:
" Maybe that guy from Wormwood. "
I love that comic! 
he's called Gentleman Corpse for a reason!
Posted by skullduggery pleasant

a better question, why dont their clothes eventually rot off?

Posted by DH69

if you think about it, in real life if there were a zombie outbreak alot of them would be naked. i mean from what we generally see they arent the most coordinated enteties, they would be ripping people/peoples clothes apart, snaggin sleeves and stuff on sharp corners.

Posted by TheCheeseStabber

In the movie Dead Alive all th zombies are in Tuxedos and dresses :D 

Posted by difficlus
@TheCheeseStabber said:
" In the movie Dead Alive all th zombies are in Tuxedos and dresses :D  " i want to see a see nicely dressed zombies but maybe not too many...
Posted by Xpgamer7

Only when someone turns into a zombie do they look nice. that's assuming they aren't already surviving the apocalypse and looking dirty. Also think about it, zombies would fall on the ground and then become covered in dirt. Their bite marks  and wounds would bleed onto their clothes and they wouldn't care about their clothing anymore

Posted by Pizawle

G-Man, you have quite an odd thinking process and seemingly much too much time.
Also, I am pretty sure there have been a few well dressed zombies in The Walking Dead.

Posted by TheBatsoul

Maybe they´re afraid that people wouldn´t be so scared of them anymore, If they´d dress up properly. Or maybe, for the Zombies that IS the newest fashion! :D
Bloody red is the new black!

Posted by nick7913

Discrimination against zombies is truly a plague of our times. Zombies are marginalized and typecast as poor dressers in every medium.  Stand up for undead rights!

Also: Brains!
Posted by SamSharp505

Shaun of the Dead!? 
In the house at the beginning the zombie who comes through the front door is wearing a tux I swear :D 
But this is  CV not Screened :P

Posted by IC3MAN

zombies have feelings too...............
Posted by RiotBananas