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Off My Mind: How to Get a Girlfriend in the 30th Century

What can you do when you're separated from the one you love? If you're a genius like Brainiac-5, the solution is one that could be solved in your sleep.

Love isn't easy. Being in a relationship requires a lot. Imagine if you're a super-hero trying to maintain a relationship. There are many responsibilities a hero faces. Their time is divided between their normal life and heroic duties. If a hero manages to find love with another superpowered individual, that could solve some of the problems. The fact that both are super-heroes allows for more time to be spent together.

In the 30th Century, you would think things would be easier. With the advancement of civilization and technology, there shouldn't be anything separated two lovers. Brainiac 5, in the Legion of Super-Heroes is a genius and should be able to overcome any obstacle. It was in 1974's Superboy #204, we see the love troubles facing Brainiac 5.

Brainiac 5 was the most level-headed member of the Legion of Super-Heroes. In the story, "Brainiac 5's Secret Weakness," we find out not only is he suffering from a nights of restless sleep, he is also head over heals in love with Supergirl. She might not have been with the team for long but she was the only girl he ever loved. To make things worse, he never found how she truly felt about him. Separated by ten centuries, would could a young genius in the future do to solve his love troubles?

== TEASER ==

Brainiac 5 doesn't have to mope in sorrow for too long. Almost as if his wishes came true, Supergirl turns up in order to be with him. She wasn't there to serve in the Legion, she was there to be with Brainiac 5.

Determined to sort out his priorities, Brainiac 5 soon announces he is quitting the team and leaving with Supergirl. As they fly away in a spacecraft, their happiness may soon be short lived. The ship's sensors pick up a deadly Zotron belt of radiation in their path. We can only assume there's no way to avoid this radiation. Because the rays are so concentrated, they will filter through the ship and vaporize them into nothing.

Apparently Supergirl's cape must have been made of Kryptonian material. Whipping it off, she covers and seals Brainiac 5 before the rays can hit. When he's able to remove the cape, he sees Supergirl standing there but she tells him she just got there after Star Boy called her to help (if she was in the 20th Century, imagine the long distance phone bill). She quickly points (most likely creeped out) to a robot lying on the floor.

Brainiac 5 was shocked to discover that the Supergirl he was running off with was a mechanical android. Where did she come from? That's where the lesson part begins. It turned out Brainiac 5 secretly built her during the nights. So secretly, he wasn't even aware. This is why he was so tired. He was sleep-building.

Essentially what Brainiac 5 did was build a girlfriend. His heart ached for the only girl he ever really loved. Instead of sitting around moping all the time, his subconscious took over and built an android to resemble Supergirl (and also have her super-powers). This is something that couldn't easily be done in today's time. Even if you were a...brainiac, the technology wouldn't be there to build a robot so life like, it would fool even yourself.

What's even more strange about all this is Supergirl's calm reaction. She had been away from the 30th Century and the Legion for who knows how long (sure we could check the previous issues but that's not the point). She swoops in to save Brainiac 5 and finds out he ran off with an android built to look exactly like her.

For Brainiac 5, getting a girlfriend was just a matter of building a robot and programing it to love him. With the ease of time travel, you would think it'd be easier to simply travel back to Supergirl's time and find out if she had any feelings for him or if she thought he was a dork. In the future, it's apparently just easier to build your sleep.

It's not surprising that they called this "Brainiac 5's Secret Weakness." If you think about it, this whole thing is pretty dang creepy. He was making out with a mechanical facsimile of Supergirl. If they hadn't flown through the deadly Zotron belt of radiation (which must be impossible to avoid or fly around), how long would Brainiac 5 and his robot stayed together. For that matter, where were they even going? Would Brainiac 5 have lived happily ever after? Would a...situation come up where he would discover he was with a robot. It's a scary thought.

Building a girlfriend might be acceptable in the 30th Century but you don't need to have a significant other to define your life. Brainiac 5 should have picked up a hobby or something. From now on, he's always going to be that creepy green dude from the future in my eyes.

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Posted by Skaddix

Lol so true. Please let this get wiped in the reboot or whatever DC wants to call it.

Posted by sweatboy

HOLY SHIT! Brainy and SUPERGIRL? or more like,... Supergirl and BRAINIAC 5??? wow, she kisses like a slut,... i guess Supergirl IS hot! i've mostly seen Kara as Power Girl and Matrix just helping out to cover Superman's identity and give Superboy advice. The 70s were, after all, wilder, but i never thought any other superhero could top Kori' and Dick! Certainly not Supergirl, who i had figured out for a good girl

Posted by Kairan1979

I hated Braniac 5 / Supergirl relatioship since I've seen the episode of JLU where she stayed in 31 century with him.

Posted by Bestostero

This reminds me of the Futurama episode where Fry dates a robot copy of Lucy Lui.

Posted by Duo_forbidden

Ugh, I try to forget these stories *shudders* I'm not really a fan of Supergirl and Braniac 5.

Posted by blur1528

That first picture is amazing! I cannot believe they tried a frame like that back in 74!

Posted by HellionVulcan
@xhavoc86 said:
This reminds me of the Futurama episode where Fry dates a robot copy of Lucy Lui.
That was a hilarious episode but still making a robot for a relationship is very pathetic & foreveralone worthy .
Posted by ArtisticNeedham

Even without reading it, something I will do tomorrow, panning the screen down its hilarious.
Suddenly she is a robot, wait what?  Ha.
It does seem like one of those issues, forget which artist you interviewed said this, but one of those issues that slips between the cracks and isn't really remembered.  He said therea re iconic stories and there are sort of filler.  Without having read this article yet, and this issue.

Posted by SpidermanWins

LMAO!!! Poor Braniac...

Posted by yeopop

Love, love, love. All you need is love.

Posted by gui22

Love is creepy. 
Robots are creepy. 
Brainiac 5 is creepy. 
Supergirl is hot. 

Posted by Xenozoic Shaman

Also, Brainiac 5 was a robot!!  ...and for no reason what-so-ever, the entire cast of Cats!!  Wait, that was creepy enough without them being robots.

Posted by RedheadedAtrocitus

My my what a funny story actually is hilarious to me.

Posted by xerox_kitty

Being married & having kids with a robot was never a problem for the Scarlet Witch... she did that way back int he 20th Century ;)

Posted by TheShame

HAHAHAHA i did not expect that he would build a sexbot.....

Posted by TheMadMonkey

Terry Long still holds the benchmark for "creepy".

Posted by GundamHeavyarms

Love ain't easy for Brainiac 5.  Reading that makes me think about the earth prime version of him and Dream Girl, woof.

Posted by Cosmic Sentinel

It's a story as old as time; boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy subconsciously creates a robot duplicate of girl, robot girl sacrifices herself to save boy from a deadly Zoltron belt just as the original girl returns. It's a classic.

Edited by eproo
Posted by The Poet


Posted by Unwritten Duck

I agree that nobody needs a significant other to define their life, but that doesn't escape from the fact that people get lonely. People have struggles. Is it creepy that Brainac 5 built a robot to resemble Supergirl? Yes. He's not the only one though that has done that in comics. Power Boy would make women he slept with dress up as Supergirl after his break up with her. 
My point is from my own experience with loneliness I can understand and somewhat relate to Brainaic 5. Granted I'm not going to go out and build a robot of an ex, but loneliness is a very painful and sometimes very hard thing to deal with.   

Brainiac 5 should have picked up a hobby or something.

Also sometimes hobbies don't help. They just help deaden the pain, but they don't cure it. 
Posted by The Impersonator

How to get a girlfriend in the 30th century.... 
1. Wear 30th century-style clothes or a superhero costume.
2. Build or steal a time machine. 
3. Pick a future date and travel further into the 30th century. 

Posted by PrincessSolaria

I do not like the relationship of Brainiac 5 and Supergirl , I hate.

Posted by keith71_98

Now that was a fun read!
Posted by punisher1313

Sounds like Spike and the Buffy bot!

Posted by maxicere

Come on, this man is green and lives in the 30th century. Supergirl is kryptonian but she is a crazy girl lover like humans, she loves to complicate her life.

Posted by Herx

lol, oh Brainy you 12th level fool. Will you never catch a break. But lets face it if the avarage male thinks about sex every few seconds, how often dose a 12th level intellect coluan? This one builds a robot that resembles supergirl, his earth 252 (cant remeber the last number right now :P)counterpart kept holovids of certain legioneeries in the shower in his wardrobe and his earth prime counterpart literally had dreamgirl on his mind 24/7. It seems like his DCU counterpart is the only one who got lucky. But then lets way this up with supergirl. She made out with her horse, and also dated 2 diffarent versions of braniac 5. So we can say that she cheeted on brainy with brainy. :P  
Now i'd like to find this issue, just because of the sillyness of it. to the comicbook shop away ->

Posted by cyberninja

Apparently she blinded him with science.

Posted by Bobby_Rico


Posted by WarMachineV2

The thing that gets me about the whole situation is how QUICKLY it played out. From what I just read, this entire thing, building his lover, running off with her, and finding out she is a robot, only spanned ONE COMIC and that just seems so... fast paced. 
On another note, though the idea of a robot genius and supergirl actually hooking up does seem interesting on paper, i couldnt see it lasting long. As noted, where would they go? How would they live their lives? Can he even "satisfy" her needs like a real man can?  
Then again, I guess that would be the interesting part of how it would play out IF it did. How would supergirl overcome those obsticles if she even cared to in the first place? 
At the end of the day though, supergirls lack of a reaction to it all does leave a bit of a sour note since it just doesnt feel finalized, or just tacked on. Since they went that route, they should have flushed it out more story wise, or left it out entirely.
Posted by Fantasgasmic

"Oh, dear, I should have shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: the noisy killer instead."

How was no one posted this either?(I feel bad pasting a to a 15 second video with a 30 second ad in front of it, but the Youtube link has the F word written in the title and there are kids here) 
@Unwritten Duck said:

Brainiac 5 should have picked up a hobby or something.

Also sometimes hobbies don't help. They just help deaden the pain, but they don't cure it. 
It looks like Brainiac DID have a hobby; it just so happens his hobby was building electronic girlfriends. But it's not like this is only a problem, in future based comics. Lex was building robot girlfriends in ACTION COMICS not too long ago. 
 Remember her?
Posted by Wolverine0628

Weird.  Just weird.
Posted by Unwritten Duck
@Fantasgasmic: Hahahaha, I completely forgot about Robo-Lois.
Posted by Decept-O

Wow, G-Man, you really dug this one out of the archives.  Domi Arigato Mr. Roboto. 

Posted by sa5m

I like them in the show =)

Posted by mark5
@SpidermanWins said:
LMAO!!! Poor Braniac...
second that.
Posted by huser

Bah it gave us XTC...and while you can't see exactly why her outfit is genius.

Posted by CrimsonTempest

Robots have feelings too.

Posted by iloverobots

Luthor did the same thing with his Android Lois! The DCU is filled with perverted geniuses. 

Posted by Video_Martian
@CrimsonTempest said:
Robots have feelings too.

'Tis true, 'tis true ;)
Posted by kungnima

Anyone knows the plans for brainiac 5 after the relaunch?

Posted by SpiritGoat

Friends don't let friends date robots

Posted by labarith

Sounds like a decent Twilight Zone-style issue. 
Which is pretty good.

Posted by Jotham

Quite a lip-lock they got going on there. Those '70s!

Posted by JonesDeini

It's best not to question the rationale of silver age stories...just enjoy the insanity. 

Posted by Squares

You raise a lot of good points. Then again, the entirety of the League seems a bit odd...

Posted by 04nbod

I adore these two. As much as it is creepy its also sweet. Supergirl doesn't seem to mind

Posted by Out_of_Space

Date robots??? People don't do this !!!

Posted by mikeclark1982

dear DC, please make sure this does not exist in the rebooted universe. fix this. he built a living working robot blow up doll. 

Posted by NightFang
@The Poet said:
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