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Let's Talk About Cable and Deadpool's Pouches!

What's in them? Are they cool? The questions that plagued man for centuries. (decades)

During the 80s and 90s, when Rob Liefeld gained notoriety at Marvel, we started seeing characters with a lot of pouches on their costumes. Prior to that, Batman was the guy with the pouches, but you knew what was in those: random gadgets for crime fighting. But what about the rest of the characters? (Cable and Deadpool especially) What secrets do those pouches hold? Now, I'm not 100% positive what they hold, but through my years of journalistic work, I believe I can find out what is in those pouches. So, we need to look at the 4 "A"s of pouches.
Awful wind resistance.


I'd really like us to pay attention to Deadpool for this piece. Deadpool wears a skin tight suit with a couple of guns, some weird leg braces, and according to this picture, four swords. Essentially, he has a very sleek design, except when it comes to those darn pouches. Those offer much wind resistance... Think about a swimmer who doesn't shave his whole body (gross), obviously that extra hair (or pouches in this case) offers so much restistance, slowing him down. Maybe Deadpool is so fast, that he needs to be slowed down, and yes, you can use that point in your favorite Deadpool battle thread. So these pouches really work against the character, when it comes to staying quick on their feet.

 Not only does the Cable Poncho cover up larger pouches, it is also the new fall fashion trend!


Many people say, "well the pouches are there to look cool." (And for this, we'll be looking at Cable AND Deadpool) In Cable's case, the pouches are aesthetically pleasing. The colors match very well with his weird shoulder harness thing and holster on his leg. Great color coordination! Deadpool's pouches, however, are the exact opposite. The pouches are a fashion nightmare! Oh my! The color coordination is way off. Yes, it matches the thigh braces (what are those), but the color scheme of black and red really doesn't match. Let's be honest, that ensamble would for sure get him on the last couple of pages of US Weekly for being such a fashion lagger! Someone isn't going to Milan this year Wade, and it's you! 

 What could possibly be in there? He only has two swords on him!

Ahh! I Know What's In There!

Cable has a lot of guns, and he also has a lot of robotic equipment. This robotic equipment may need batteries, whether they be AA or 9 Volt. Those pouches are a great place to hold your favorite battery. Hopefully, Cable is globally conscious and only rechargeable batteries. Cable likes to save the planet, so I'd assume so. He also needs bullets and clips, and maybe some Mentos. All of those things, including some futuristic grenades, could easily fit into those pouches. (Maybe even a new LED light for his shiny eye!) Deadpool, however, only needs bullets... and Mentos. He wouldn't be using futuristic grenades, and current grenades would not fit in there. (Trust me, I've done the complicated math) So, what's in there? Obviously, it's like a women's purse: wallet, perfume, make-up, chap-stick, cell phone, tissues, picture of niece or nephew, cough drops, and maybe a piece of chocolate or two. (I know what's in women's purses? Yes! I've also researched women!) Essentially, Deadpool is wasting the precious pouch space he has!

 Ok, maybe this version of Cable is not too awesome...


Cable has like 50 guns in this picture, as he should have, and we discussed everything that could be in there, and it makes sense. Aesthetically, they look great and there is no real color clashing. Finally, aerodynamically, it doesn't matter because Cable is a in-yo-face type of fighter and doesn't need to "ninja" around. Cable's pouches work in every way and get a 10/10 on the awesome scale, even though it's now 2010, and pouches lost their appeal in 1995. Deadpool, on the other hand, could contain any number of bizarre things in his pouches, which makes that wasted space. Aesthetically, it clashes with his outfit. Aerodynamically, it's a mess, since he's all ninja-ie and needs to be sleek and stealthy. Let's not even get into the fact that depending on what's inside of the pouches could make noise and give away his position! What a mess! Deadpool's pouches get a 3/10. It's a waste of space, like an above-ground pool!
What do you guys think? Do pouches work? Know any other characters with better pouch use?
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Posted by Neena Thurman

Let us not forget, at least one of those pouches on Deadpool are possibly still currently containing Agent X's kidney (spleen?). One of his notsovital organs.
Otherwise? Agreed.

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