Whether it's poorly made or the concept is just awful, we see bad Halloween costumes everywhere. Our first thought is usually "who would buy this and why?" As curious as we are about these questions, the answers are probably more terrifying than we can ever imagine.
Time for another round of terrible costume choices for the 2012 Halloween season! Last week, we checked out some really cool costumes: some of the best of the best. Now, with that out of the way, we can see what terrible costumes are on the Halloween store's shelves this year.
You're Not Ironic. You're lazy.
For the past three years, I've made mention of costumes just like this, and this is this year's crop of failure. There's a reason I keep mentioning the pile of failure these "costumes" are, and it's because they're not costumes. They're t-shirts. For the most part, these are some cool t-shirts. However, a cool t-shirt does not make a good costume, and a good costume makes a terrible business suit. Also, while we're at it, a good friend doesn't make a good model for your shirt. Could that Red Ranger model be any sadder?
When I see a dude wearing one of these costumes at a party, all I can imagine is that he was too broke to afford one of those costumes that highlights his man parts. You know what I'm talking about. That "Ring Toss Game" costume where you have to toss the rings onto the gentleman's crotch, and I'm using the term "gentleman" very loosely. Well, imagine that guy with no money and no sense of fun. That's who wears these costumes for Halloween.
These costumes all range from $10-$20. It's about the same price as a t-shirt. A few of these shirts come with a cape, some come with a belt, and one with a pair of web shooters. Wait, some people will wear a comic book shirt AND web shooters, but not a full on costume?
From "Cool" to "Creepy" in 5 Seconds
I know what you're thinking, "this isn't a terrible costume!" That's what I thought, at first. I was into these one-piece costumes, and slowly, but surely, just like what's happening to you right this second, I became horrified of these two costumes. Their always happy faces have turned my once blissful dreams into haunting nightmares filled with Enya songs and Domino's pizza.
So the idea is pretty cool. It's just one giant polyester suit that matches your favorite character's outfit. However, the idea really doesn't translate and it's mainly because the faces look so creepy. Also, have you ever seen anyone walking around in a Green Man outfit (or any other color) during the day? It's terrifying. What's even creepier is knowing that the only thing separating you from the person's naked body is a very thin layer of polyester.
These outfits will cost you $55, according to one website. I only found one review of the costumes and the reviewer gave it positive feedback; however, these costumes seem much more suited for a fetish ball than door-to-door trick or treating.
Costumes for People who Hate being Hugged
"Ahh! Kill it with fire!" That was my first reaction to seeing these two Zip-Lock Bags of the Halloween costume world. My second reaction was "Why do these exist?" I have yet to figure out the answer to this question. What we have here are two inflatable costumes powered by a tiny fan in order to give the illusion you're one of these over-weight characters.
These two trash bag costumes, like the skin-suits above, have a high level of creepiness sure to make all the kids you're near run in terror. The look on Slimer's face comes off as "too eager to talk to you because I haven't had human interaction in weeks," and the look on Jabba's face comes off as "I'm only happy when I'm eating Hot Pockets."
The Jabba costume is going to run you $70, and the Slimer one will cost you $55. Best part is that you get to carry a mini-fan around with you in order to keep these costumes "inflated." Don't worry, though, you only need numerous AA batteries, which are not included with either of these costumes.
These two costumes look cheap, clunky, and not fun at all. Sure, the idea of being Slimer and Jabba seems cool, but do you really wanted to be surrounded by wrinkled polyester all night in that suit with a fan going? To make matters worse, lots of the reviews online say that the Jabba costumes breaks easily. Well, that's $70 down the drain. You'd be better off as a sexy ghost.
Constipated Model #453
Where do they get some of these models? Better yet, how many pictures did they take before settling with this one? Usually, a model conveys an emotion or even an action. This guy looks like he's in the middle of playing Wii Tennis, sans controller.
Here we have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Raphael Classic Muscle costume. Yep, the name is just as terrible as the costume itself. You can tell it's a Raphael costume because the mask is red, but that's it. No sais or anything else that will help you determine who this is. I think the main thing this is missing is an actual mask because if you just showed me this, at a glance, I would not have I guessed "Raphael." I probably would have said something like "colorful bank robber?"
Well, at least is doesn't cost a lot, right? Nope. Originally, this chuck of foam cost $90, but it's been marked down. Prepare for savings everyone! Currently, this costume is on sale for $73, which is still about $70 more than I'd like to pay for this costume. For $73, you get the jumpsuit filled with muscle foam, the yellow chest piece, elbow pads, and the strip of red fabric which they call a mask.
Sadly, out of all the Ninja Turtle costumes online, this is by far the best of them because the rest of them are t-shirt costumes or ones for women which don't leave much to the imagination, if you know what I mean.
They Let You Wear Nice Shoes in the Asylum?
In all the bad attempts I've seen this year of someone trying to cash in on a successful franchise, this costume takes the cake. Aside from the fact it looks bad, the problem here is that they made numerous costumes out of this same idea. That's right, you can buy quit a few of these costumes with different masks stashed in the package. That's right, you can be The Joker or Scarecrow with this same outfit. I believe I also saw a Two-Face one floating around as well.
I wish I could have sat in the concept meeting for this costume because for obvious reasons, none of the people involved with the design of this costume had ever seen the character before in comics or on the big screen. They probably just just heard the words "Scarecrow" and "Asylum" and declared "We've got this! We don't need to see any source material!"
The hat looks like a stage prop from Torgo from the film Manos: The Hands of Fate, and the mask looks like a rejected design for Leatherface. Well, at least in Arkham Asylum, all prisoners get pistol holsters. Seriously, what are those supposed to be?
This costume is not only terrible, but it's pricey for what you actually get. It's going to cost you $55. If this puppy was like, $20, it wouldn't be a big deal. You get what you pay for, but $55? At least you get the pants, right? Nope. You don't get the pants. You get the shirt, the gun holster (they call it "straps"), and the mask for $55. You could buy Batman: Arkham City, game of the year edition, and still have $15 left over for that price. There's a reason this is the last one on this year's list. It's everything a costume shouldn't be.
Well, there's a good chunk of the mass amounts of bad Halloween costumes you can not pick up at your local Halloween store. Make sure to check back next week, when we take a look at some sexy outfits for this 2012 Halloween season. Spoiler alert: They're almost all terrible costumes.