Hello, welcome to the very first meeting of Comics Anonymous (C.A.). I'm so glad all of you could make it. Wow, we have quite a full room here. Let me introduce myself. My name is Mat "InferiorEgo" Elfring and I am a comicholic. I first realized this when my whole bookshelf was covered with Blackest Night action figures, and immediately after it was overloaded, I got a Green Lantern tattoo. However, there were more tell-tale signs of this. They were all around me, and I just couldn't see them. It wasn't until G-Man, Babs, Tom, and Red L.A.M.P. approached me at my house and gave me an intervention letting me know that I had gone too far. Nevertheless, I've come to terms with it, and I am now ready to help anyone else that needs it. Now, let's get this started.
We all love comic books and almost everything about them; otherwise, you wouldn't be on this website. But how much do we love comics? And when does said love become way too much? Through my personal trials and tribulations, I have figured out 5 areas in your personal life you can take a closer look at to determine whether or not you too may be addicted to the world of comic books. Some of these things may be things you've done in your past or thought about doing. I can tell all of you with confidence and regret that I've actually done or tried a few of these things mentioned below.
== TEASER ==
Your DecorSure, there's nothing wrong with a poster of Wolverine here or there. You'd expect any comic book fan to have that. Sure, an action figure on your desk is pretty cool. But what about when that's all you see? Is your room covered with comic related posters? That may not be a sign of a problem; however, is one wall only covered with posters of Maverick? How did you find that many? I didn't even know there was one poster of Maverick. How about your action figures? Do you have enough to make a bookcase over-flow? More importantly, do you have every Force Works character in action figure form on your bookcase? Not only is that highly impressive, but it's also a sign that you're addicted to all things comic books.
Naming ThingsMany people will tell you that they named their precious little pet after something in their life: a relative, someone they admire, a food they eat daily, but on smaller occasions you'll hear an animal named after a super-hero. And just because you named your Pug " Ted Kord" doesn't necessarily mean you have a problem. This could lead to other problems though. Did you go out of your way to by a blue Volkswagen Beetle, just so you could name your car Ted Kord? Did you buy a English Bulldog and name him Kilowog? Did you try naming your first born son Ras Al Ghul? It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
ClothingYou are what you wear. (Or was that eat?) We all most likely own a piece of clothing or two that displays a character or two from our shared passion. Many of us may even own a hat or wallet that has the Green Lantern symbol on it. Think about this: How many days a week do you wear something comic related, and how many items at the same time are you wearing? Do you have a Spider-Man shirt, Captain America hat, Iron Man pants, and Brother Voodoo socks on at the same time? Do you plan on wearing your Silver Surfer shirt, purple Hulk pants, Dr Strange cape, and Namor shoes (with the wings) tomorrow? Do you plan on calling yourself a Defender all day? You may have to admit you have a problem.
Your DialogueAs you may have noticed, throughout this article, many characters names are scattered about, with links back to their sections. Why? Well, mainly because some of these characters aren't A-List, and some of them aren't even B-List characters. When speaking to others who love comic books, this can be acceptable; however, when speaking to those who don't read comics, this is atrocious. (Not Atrocitus) Referencing the horrors of what happened in Sector 666 out-of-context is confusing enough to people, but referencing that in-context is a hour long lecture on Green Lantern, and the people around you will not appreciate it. Just try and remember, although many people have seen the Watchmen film, only a few of us understand the complexities of the giant female organ shaped monster at the end of the book. Most people don't know of its existence. I assure you of that. If you can't go a hour without mentioning something comic related in any situation, you have a problem.
Your Life PlansIt's no secret that many of us want to work in the industry someday, or when we grow up, depending on your age, but sometimes, it goes a little too far. Sure, we may have all wanted to be Galactus when we were 4, but what about when you're 28? Do you still want to be Galactus? (yes) How about at the end of your life? How do you want to be buried? In a cemetery? Cremated and have your ashes spread across the Great Plains? Or would you rather have your body shoved into a refrigerator for your loved one to find? Do you want to have your funeral with two giant Black Lantern logo banners flowing beside your casket? If so, it's time to admit what you already know.
Now that I've opened your minds to what took me so long to realize, I implore you to look within yourself and question: Am I a comicholic?
~Mat "Inferiorego" Elfring is a comedian, teacher, comic book writer, and comicholic.~