Boy oh boy, you're in for a treat this week! Thanks for checking out the latest edition of 'Best Battles' and I'm extremely pleased with the chaos you're about to observe. We have bones snapping, a head exploding, and, just to counteract all of that R-rated action, a wonderful display of holiday spirit from Kaine. He's such a jolly clone.
Narrowing it down to these 3 wasn't easy. I know I say that a lot, but it really was incredibly difficult this week. Ultimately, I decided it would be best to pick one from each publisher. I don't have the money or attention span to read every new comic, so if there's a praiseworthy battle I missed, please feel free to provide scans or just talk about it below.
CAUTION! There are spoilers and this week is particularly gory. You've been warned!
Bloodshot vs Chainsaw
Packing only a pistol, Bloodshot bumps into the deadly team Chainsaw. The group is heavily armed and each brings a different specialty to the table (a heavy gunner, a skilled fighter, etc). Needless to say, Bloodshot is pretty screwed right off the bat. He takes cover but it's a futile effort once a RPG is sent his way. He bolts and thanks to his nanites, he can manipulate the facility they're in. He manages to lock Gunner (the brute) in the cryo morgue with him. A little coolant later and one member of Chainsaw is down for the count. But Recon (the skilled one) takes on Bloodshot next and this is where things get shockingly brutal. A healing factor is good and all, but it doesn't mean much if you can't immediately heal your limbs. In this case, Recon goes to town on Bloodshot's arm.
Okay, a snapped wrist and a few busted ribs is sure to slow a man down, but this is Bloodshot we're talking about. It's going to take way more than that to bring him down, and unfortunately for Recon, snapping his wrist only made matters worse. Words can't express how astonishingly amazing the following display is.
== TEASER ==
An issue of BLOODSHOT wouldn't be complete without making our anti-hero suffer a little more, though. It's traditional to see him riddled with bullets and that happens once again when he has the misfortune of bumping into the remaining members of Chainsaw. Take a minute or two to appreciate the following.
While we're at it, let's burn him a bit as well. Because clearly, Bloodshot can't get thrown into the grinder enough. The poor guy is literally trapped and helpless at this point.
Luckily for him, Chainsaw's "command" is taken out and it gives him a moment to strike. One punch with his enhanced strength does the trick and his vicious foes are left counting sheep... or whatever these twisted projects think of to sleep.
So, motivated to start reading BLOODSHOT yet?
Kaine vs Merry Robbers
Ho ho holy fudge! SCARLET SPIDER #12 was a phenomenal issue and had a hilariously fun battle. Kaine's made a few friends during his stay in Houston and these Christmas themed robbers made the mistake of taking one of them hostage. You can't help but laugh at the situation. This fool is in way over his head and he has no idea about it. You know it's go time when Kaine wastes a perfectly good cup of coffee.
One sinister Santa down, a few more in the lobby to go. These blokes have no idea about the world of hurt that's about to leap from that elevator and into their faces. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Santa the same way after this issue. Every time I spot one at the mall, I'm definitely going to envision Kaine randomly jumping out and humiliating the guy.
The Robbers might have holiday cheer on their side, but no amount of Saint Nick attire can counter-act Kaine's superhuman speed, strength and reflexes. The outcome was determined before this fight began and luckily for us, we get a few panels showing just how unfair this fight really is.
Oh yeah, happy holidays!
Deathstroke vs Koschei
Slade Wilson is back, man! The tactical mercenary had his intelligence on display in DEATHSTROKE #15. He's tasked with taking down Koschei, an allegedly unkillable guy. We saw him shrug off a point blank molotov cocktail in the opening scene, but Slade has something far more effective planned: a bullet to the brain.
Well, it turns out Koschei can regrow his head in just a few moments. Alright, time to cross the most simple and effective plan off your list, Slade. Realizing it'll be more complicated, the Terminator brings it in close to study his enemy and attempt to find a weakness. It turns out a gun barrel to the chest isn't one of them.
Seeing as he has highly durable armor and a healing factor, Deathstroke doesn't mind letting Koschei think he's getting the better of him. Fill the arrogant fool with confidence and let him boast. Meanwhile, Slade can take the hits and learn all about his enemy. Koschei eventually says no one except for him can choose when he dies. Apparently, that gives Slade all of the information he needs and he makes a cruel escape. And when I say cruel, I mean grenade in your pants cruel.
Not exactly the most elegant way to escape, but damn, it certainly looks stunning. As expected, Deathstroke's armor holds up against the point blank explosion.
How do you think Deathstroke will kill him?
Honorable Mentions
- X-23 vs Hazmat
- Archer & Armstrong vs Eternal Warrior
- Bucky vs Daredevil/Captain America/Wolverine/Hawkeye
- TMNT vs Neutrinos
- Arcade vs Young Avengers
- Grifter vs Suicide Squad
- Harley Quinn vs Joker
Want more action? Here's the previous Best Battles
Gregg Katzman is a freelance writer for Comic Vine and IGN Entertainment. He still can't get over Bloodshot's crazy bone kill.
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